Flight Rising dragon goals
Species: Mirror
Sex: Female
Primary gene: Iridescent
Primary colour: Shadow
Secondary gene: Eye spots
Secondary colour: Cyan
Tertiary gene: Runes
Tertiary colour: Mulberry
Eye type: Multi-gaze
Taken earlier today. Me climbing to the top of a clock tower is probably the most stupidly symbolic thing I’ve ever done. My life revolves around trying and failing to conquer time. If my life were a story, that would be the main conflict. Which is hilarious ‘cause time technically doesn’t exist, it’s just a concept used to measure change. I’m literally fighting nothing but the idea of change and this is probably the most pretentiously poetic sentence in existence lol.
Had a lengthy, cool discussion with a friend about a debate they were having with another person regarding gender and sexuality, and felt like sharing what I wrote about the subject. Please note:
a) I’m always learning new information about this so my stances are subject to change. I just feel informed on the matter based on research and introspection.
b) I’m not vilifying people who disagree with me. The subject is complicated and I acknowledge different experiences lead to different views on the subject.
c) I’m not looking for a fight about this, just wanna archive this for my own purposes and others’ enjoyment if they’re interested in what I have to say. I’m a random person on the internet trying to make sense of the world and hopefully I can help others makes sense of it too.
To rephrase the conversation topic in my own words, it was basically two questions: “Do societal norms dictate preference for/attraction to certain genitalia?“ and "Can someone be considered transphobic because they don’t wanna date trans people based on their genitals?”
- friend: I guess I have a love hate relationship with [this game].
- friend: I start a new file and I'm like "Oh man, I really like you. I wanna keep this up as long as possible."
- friend: But then I get to [hard challenge mode] and the later secret rooms and it feels like the game will never leave me alone, like it's smothering me, and I'm just like "I think we should see other people"
- friend: Then I take a break for a few weeks and I'm just sitting there daydreaming about Jessica- I mean...
- me: XD I too confuse interactive media with real human connections.
I went to the OId Port with my group thing today. The highlight of the day was climbing the clock tower and taking pictures of the city at the top. Also my social skills were on-point for most of the trip.
I feel like after I’ve been dead for a few centuries some random person’s gonna stumble onto my creations and be like “Wow, this person had a lot of super interesting thoughts about life and death and shit. He was fucking crazy, but also weirdly cool.” And then maybe I’ll be acknowledged in the capacity I want to be acknowledged in.
Idk if this makes sense at all tbh. Like I’m not suicidal or anything, but I kinda believe death will bring more attention to my existence and work than my life ever will. Though I also doubt I’m special enough to be rediscovered and hailed as some unique thinker. Maybe if I lived a century or two ago it’d be different, but in an age where more and more regular people are able to share themselves with the world and archive themselves online, the idea of being pointed to as a hidden gem among the people from your era feels more and more impossible.
I feel like I lost some of my identity/direction in life when I turned 20 and I think I know why:
-I’ve had quite a few anxiety attacks about questioning my worldviews as a result of being gaslit my whole life by family and strangers.
-winter-induced depression
-My habit of leaving my room to write in the kitchen broke when my family moved.
-I finished writing my book and got stuck in the editing phase.
-whatever psychological stuff was happening during my teenage years ‘cause of puberty + societal expectations + personal expectations has calmed down. My burning need to assert my individuality and discover who I am has decreased.
-I’ve been recovering from my anxiety and that’s involved lifting all my high expectations for accomplishing my life goals/being perfect off my shoulders. I’m more understanding of my mental and environmental limitations, and I’m trying to focus more on maintaining my sanity.
Reasons I admire Danny from Game Grumps.
-he seems like a genuinely nice person
-he’s hilarious as fuck
-he’s from a jewish background like me
-he rocks eye makeup like a bamf in some videos, also like me
-he’s a musician and let’s player, which are occupations I wanna pursue
-he’s doing cool things as a guy in his late thirties which inspires me to follow my dreams and reassures me that I don’t have to figure my life out right away.
I just had a 4 hour voice chat with NDiGG friend. We mostly talked about sex ‘cause we’re immature, and then it spiralled into conversations about sex ed, romance, artificial intelligence, religious tolerance, video games, introversion, anime, our stories, and Bakugan porn. I saw Drago with a dick. :D My childhood was ruined! Had fun tho. Pretty sure the anti-anxiety meds are partially responsible for the length and consistent enjoyment of the conversation.
me: Giving birth is just the hard mode version of queefing.
friend: What’s the [overpower level] version?
me: Chestburster parasitism.
I BOUGHT SONIC GENERATIONS ‘CAUSE IT WAS ON SALE AND ALSO 'CAUSE I’M STILL SONIC TRASH AFTER ALL THESE YEARS IN CASE IT WASN’T OBVIOUS.
This song made me cry a little. I relate to the whole “I have a love-hate relationship with the city I was born and raised in” thing, and the fact a Canadian band made this song about a Canadian city that’s really not that far from mine just made the lyrics even more impactful.
Aphelion
In the age of innocence
When the universe was small
I reached perihelion
And approached my parent star
To find its light was blinding
And its flares were threatening
To the life on my surface
Bound to the system
By rules others wrote
I could not escape
The body that created me
Now hungered to destroy me
My temperatures elevated
Storms raged for countless millennia
Until finally I was engulfed
In death I dreamed
My grave scattered
With every passing aeon
And my ashes could find peace
Drifting among the nebulae
Hoping they’d reach aphelion
I had a Slenderman dream (or I guess technically it was a nightmare) last night which makes me really happy ‘cause I weirdly love feeling scared in my dreams. One scene involved me walking down a hallway resembling a hallway in my grandmother’s apartment, and looking behind me a few times, eventually spotting Slenderman standing at the end of the hall. Another scene involved me being on a crowded downtown street and seeing him standing conspicuously on the road, surrounded by people, and his arms stretched towards me. Dream me thought it was refreshing to see a depiction of Slenderman actually moving. Also I’m pretty sure the dream had a plot but I forget what it was about.
Criticism of gender roles? Pretty dudes wearing makeup? Addicting emo/punk rock sound? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP.